Vaseline Spray & Go Moisturizer Will Replace Your Girlfriend

 Or boyfriend. Or whoever is special in your life really. 

No, the Vaseline Spray & Go Moisturizer won't skype call you or bring home pizza after work or hold your hand during a scary movie. It will, however, do the very thing that you have been needing help with for ages: it's got your back. Literally. This can sprays a thin, wonderfully fresh-smelling lotion all over, even if you hold it upside-down. Finally, I can reach that one spot on my back I can never get to otherwise! Thank god!

The lotion consistency is a bit on the thin side, which makes it great for fast absorption, but it doesn't moisturize like a body butter or thicker lotion will. even so it's enough to keep your skin from feeling all tight and itchy after that perfect 30 minute blazing hot shower you know you'll be taking later this fall and winter. We've got a winner on our hands!

And it sprays using compressed air, so you can hold your sunglasses high knowing that even if the ozone layer is depleting, you ain't got nothin' to do with it.

Where to buy:, $7; various drugstore and other retailers in the us & Europe.




peachy noon

Meet The Author

Noon. 25. American born, Finland residing. I really love dogs.